dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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