Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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