as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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