It's like God shit irony all over that family
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize