I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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