She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
from now on my penis is your penis
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
