Farmville is her only friend.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
