in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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