I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
