You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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