This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
