I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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