Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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