i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
