Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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