Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize