So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
