He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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