I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
