Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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