Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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