hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
