Porn is love you can see.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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