Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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