I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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