This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
