Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
