Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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