it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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