I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize