From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
