i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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