I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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