you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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