so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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