Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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