Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
