She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
