god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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