dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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