I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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