He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I need a beard to bite.
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