Your mouth is God's brothel.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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