That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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