I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize