so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
