She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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