the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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