Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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