my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
