beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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