theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
