someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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