Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just pee around me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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