I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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