i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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