you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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