Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize