Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
