Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do vagina's smell?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
handjob tips. give me some.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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