I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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