I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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