The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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