just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
