Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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