When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
