I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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