How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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