I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
