Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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