we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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