i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
