I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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